AFL Results R18 - Swashbuckling Swans Tear Tigers a Newy

Took a trip to the SCG this week for a bit of twilight footy between the Swans and the Tigers on a glorious Sunday eve in the Harbour city. Got the right seat but got the wrong Bay and was amongst a group of hardcore tattooed toothless tiger fans who had made the trip up from Melbourne.

Twilight footy SCG

The contrast could not have been greater when, upon finding the right seat, I found myself amongst the chardonnay set Sydney fans with a rugby background and was forced to suffer ill-informed shouts of "He dropped it Sir!"and "Holding the ball Sir!". I had never witnessed such respect given to an ump in my life and it was all I could do to stop vomiting over said elitist Swans' fans shoes and general clothing.

At half time I scrambled to the bar, snuck into the members and caught up with Uglybustards tipster and 2007 Champ the boot for some normal footy-speak.

As far as the game went, Richmond were awesome early especially Matty White's opening goal, but it was scary how the Swans reeled them in very quickly before powering home. Surely it's just the big 3 in contention now - Swans, Hawks and the Cats.

In other matches Jezza Cameron is just a frikkin superstar who I'm sure Big Jack would've nabbed on a form four in the early 80s ten years before he was born, it was nice to see Robbo collect Ablett, and The Pod took a pack crunching spekky. All this and more on the the round 18 highlights reel. Roll the tape and read on for the latest in Uglybustards tipping results.

AFL Results R17 - Ablett in doubt with Leather Poisoning

As Rex Hunt used to say regularly about God; "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABLETT!!!!"
Another incredible performance by one Gary Ablett jnr to down the 'pies, sew up the Brownlow, and this week he plays his 248th game this weekend drawing level with his old man's tally. At least the Blues finally face a team coming off a high instead of on the rebound. Although how that affects the little maestro in Ablett and his ridiculously talented charges O'Meara, Prestia et al remains to be seen.

In other round 17 games Richmonds Jake King took 18 of the shortest steps in the book before kicking truly against Freo, Norf's Lindsay Thomas showed the Blues he couldn't be tackled in a telephone box, and St Kilda's Jack Steven showed Port a clean pair of heels to boot a magnificent major in a riveting last quarter where Justin 'The Hoff' Westhoff got the Power over the line at the death.

All this and more on the the round 17 highlights reel. Flick the switch Aesop. Read on for the latest in Uglybustards tipping results.

R16 AFL Results - Narcoleptic Norf Lose Luscious Lead in Lions Loss

Norf have done it again, the fourth time this year they've blown a 30 point lead, a team which has been called 'bipolar' as a compliment. Much the same can be said of Brisbane with another huge last quarter comeback, with Vossy now having similar victories over both Chris and Brad Scott, his old premiership team mates. The two teams find themselves with 6 wins and 9 losses, but would have to win all games from here to make finals.

The Blues had their first win in 5 weeks if you include the bye, and you have to go back to the bad old days of 2007 for a longer drought. While fans were ecstatic at rekindling their finals chances, look who they beat; 16th placed Saints with only 3 wins to their name. Norf will probably cream Carlton Friday, they did this time last year.

The Blues / Saints clash was also the battle for top place on the 'Frees Against' ladder and Carlton took top spot with a narrow 18-16 win, with St Kilda dropping to 3rd and the Lions claiming 2nd. As expected, the West Coast Ducks remain in last place.

The highlight of the weekend was Ashton Agar's near ton on debut, and the lowlight the deficiencies of Hawkeye, which clearly lost us the first Ashes test. It's such a shame Demetriou has decided to trial Hawkeye instead of listening to my advice to use sharknets as the defining goal review mechanism.

Roll the round 16 highlights reel Vasili. Check out the Bombers' freaky goals, Dane Swan on fire and Pearce Hanley for Brisbane, fast becoming the best ever Irish export in AFL. Read on for the latest in Uglybustards tipping results.

R15 AFL Results - Farcical Frees as Umps Interchange Error Cannot Curtail Kennett Curse

What a weekend of footy. The Kennett Curse continues for the 11th time despite the ridiculous interchange error by the AFL steward, not to mention the outrageous 'deliberate out of bounds' call against Kelly. The Cats overcame what looked like the Kennett Curse in Reverse for a while there, proving they'll be hard to beat in September, perhaps securing yet another flag in an odd year.

In other news Norf have come storming back into finals contention, karma is served on Jobe Watson, the Giants were denied their first win, pipped by the Bulldogs in a thriller, Josh 'the stutterer' Kennedy beats the Crows off his own boot, and the Harry O / Buckley rift seems to be on a much deeper level for Harry than if your team mate is called a lesbian by his coach. Oh yeah, and Carlton got flogged again.

Frees Against Ladder

With so many controversies this season, headed up by Essendon's Performance Enhancing Drugs saga, it is clear the current ladder must be scrapped in favour of Exhibit A, the "Frees Against" ladder.  This is only fair as the top teams on this ladder are the teams that have been crucified by Razor Ray and co., and so would have been top anyway if the umps were even half-way fair.

This ladder is bound to be far more palatable to AFL fans as the Ducks are placed where they should be - stone motherless last wooden spooners!  And the top 2 teams are those most deserving in a throwback to the late 60s - the Saints and the Blues.  It is also a timely ladder as these two play for top spot this weekend in round 16, so I can only hope the umps bring their form and penalise both teams repeatedly for absurd deliberate out of bounds and interchange errors akin to what the Cats suffered against the Hawks. It should be an intriguing affair and I'm confident Carlton can claim top spot based on current form.

And here's a special treat for success starved Blues fans; Open Mike with the Dominator. May as well live in the past cos the here and now is totally  #$%^&^%$#@.   Part 1 http://bit.ly/1aiqAMg  Part 2 http://bit.ly/16kI2YZ

Roll the round 15 highlights reel Spiros.  Read on for the latest in Uglybustards tipping results.

AFL R14 - Port Pulverise Pies, Bombers Bask as Demetriou Bathes Belly

If ever a team's put its hand up for the final 8 it's gotta be Port Adelaide. But before we wax lyrical about the Power, spare a thought for Swans legend Adam Goodes, out for 6 weeks with a gammy leg, which is a coincidence as I'm out for 6 weeks with a gammy splint on me gammy hand. Here we are swapping gammy war wound stories outside surgery.

Adam Goodes & Uglybustard

Back to Port Power. Easybeats under Primus last year, now under the tutelage of one Kenneth Hinkley, overlooked for the Demons job, they are coming of age. Again, what does that say about Garry Lyon and their woefully inadequate coach selection process.

Unfortunately Port are doing my beloved Blues no favours as the teams they smash play us on the rebound the next week! However I am sure our plethora of number 1 draft pick talent will kick in.....by the time Juddy's in a zimmer frame.

Luckily for the Blues there is a final 9 this year, as the Essendon Performance Enhancing Drugs saga is bound to end with their not being allowed to play finals. Sad for Bomber fans after such a great season, but imagine the uproar if they won the flag. The AFL and Demetriou would be a global laughing stock (not such a bad thing you say?).  Meanwhile the Bombers maintain their innocence, expect to take the Premiership, players banned for 6 months over summer and be right for round one, 2014!

And what about those Demons! So impressed with their memory being able to belt the song out like that.

Roll the highlights reel Vangellis.  Noted for its shameless glorification of a team that has severely bent, if not completely broken the AFL rules.  Is the AFL painting themselves into a corner? Who is running the show while Demetriou suns his ample belly on his overseas holiday? Gillion 'snot-nosed-private schoolboy' McLachlan? Read on for round 14 highlights and the latest in Uglybustards tipping results.